Breakups and rejections are never easy, whether someone leaves you after you have been dating for more than a year, a few months, or even if you’ve only just started seeing somebody you really like. Along with advising my clients on how to find success in the dating world, I also have plenty of men come to me with this question: “Why did she leave me?”
When a girlfriend or girl you have been seeing leaves for unknown or little known reasons, it can be debilitating. It’s a huge blow to your self-esteem and can even make you question whether or not you’ll ever find a long-term, compatible partner. But I promise you that you can — and will if you follow my advice and enter the dating world with a strategic plan that makes you exude positivity and be open to new opportunities.
But first, let’s dive deeper into the reasons women leave during different stages of the dating game.
Why Did She Leave Me? If You Were Dating
Let’s say that a woman rejects you, ghosts you or does anything to end things when you’re in the early stages of dating. You’re not exclusive at this point, but you’ve been on at least a couple of dates and you really like this woman.
But she ends it before you two have a chance to become exclusive. What are some reasons that this could have occurred?
For starters, let’s look at the way you are approaching the dating process. Ask yourself the following questions.
Did I Follow a Strategic Dating Blueprint for the First Three Dates?
“Do you wanna hang out?”
“Do you wanna grab a drink?”
“Do you wanna go to a happy hour?”
So many guys fall into the same rut when it comes to the early stages of dating. They ask girls to “hang out,” and end up on the same date over and over again — drinks and food.
If you want to better your chances of keeping a girl you like around and even making her your girlfriend, you need a strategic blueprint for the first three dates. I suggest the following to all of my clients:
-First Date: It should be something that is less than an hour and does not exceed $15.
-Third Date: This is the date where you can have a nice, intimate dinner. The third date is often when you will end up sealing the deal.
You want to make sure that the first two dates are located in a place that is close to your date’s home and also takes place during the daytime — between 11 am and 2 pm is best. Why? This is going to make a woman feel safer, and safety is a concern for women when going out with a guy who is either a complete stranger or someone they don’t know well, at least in a romantic sense.
Do You Craft Compelling Date Ideas and Use a TDL?
You want to ask women out on dates that speak to their interests and also introduces them to new experiences. When youmake a date compelling in this way, it’s extremely difficult for her to turn you down and the chemistry between you two can be escalated easily.
For example, let’s say that the girl you’re asking out is really into yoga. You could find a special yoga event or style of yoga she’s mentioned that she’s interested in but has yet to try.
When you present this date idea to her, you also want to make sure that you use a TDL. A TDL is an acronym that stands for Time, Date, and Location and it’s what we here at EmLovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action.
Like I mentioned before, it is best to schedule dates during the daytime. The ideal time of day is between 11 am and 2 pm. The best days of the week to plan a date are Saturdays. You don’t want to pick a Sunday, because people are getting back into a work mindset and definitely don’t plan the date for Monday because, let’s face it, everyone hates Mondays.
So for this hypothetical yoga girl you’re super into, you could present the date like so:
“Hey, Melissa. I know you mentioned you’d be interested in trying aerial yoga. I found a class that’s happening this Saturday at 11 am. Do you want to go with me, date style?”
Not only are you presenting her with a new experience, it’s clear that you’ve paid attention to her interests and have also taken the extra step of having everything planned and set so she won’t have to worry about it. This is super chivalrous because it’s showing that you are considerate of her time and also a good listener. Plus, you get bonus points for explicitly calling the experience with you a “date” and not just a “hang out.”
Are You MegaDating?
If you’re not in an exclusive relationship, you need to start MegaDating ASAP. MegaDating is a dating strategy that involves going on dates with several different women at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your calendar full.
MegaDating is not about sleeping around, dishonesty or being a player — quite the contrary. When you MegaDate, sex doesn’t need to come into the equation at all. This process is simply about meeting a lot of different potential partners in order to alleviate anxiety and to allow you to see that there truly are plenty of fish in the sea.
When you MegaDate, you won’t get hung up on finding “the one” or settling for the mediocre because dating different people will constantly reaffirm that there are lots of people who you can be compatible with. Moreover, MegaDating lessens the pain of things like rejection and increases your dating confidence because, as they say, practice makes perfect.
I used MegaDating during my 100-date experiment. It opened me up to a ton of different experiences and showed me that dating can be fun instead of frustrating during a time when I wondered if love even existed.
Most importantly, MegaDating led me to my current relationship with a compatible, long-term partner. It worked for me and it can work for you too!
Why Did She Leave Me: If You Were In an Early Relationship
Let’s say that you made it past the dating phase and you and a girl you really like have decided to make it official. As little as a few, a couple or even one month goes by and she leaves you, causing you to be super confused.
Outside of her giving you a concrete answer about why the relationship wasn’t working out for her, there can be a few different reasons that a woman chooses to leave early in a relationship.
Reason #1: She Went Back to Her Ex
I know how bad it sucks to have a someone leave you because they want to give a past relationship another try. You may be racking your brain, wondering what you did wrong. The thing is, there can be a lot of different reasons someone returns to a previous relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with you, including:
-She was still in love with her ex. There’s a history there that you, unfortunately, don’t have with her and you shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to compete with that.
-She relied on him financially.
-She felt comfortable in the past relationship and was scared to keep stepping outside of her comfort zone.
Reason #2: She is Emotionally Unavailable
If a woman is emotionally unavailable, it will be pretty much impossible for her to commit to a relationship long-term. This isn’t your fault.
Emotionally unavailable women may have started to date too soon after a bad breakup or even a recent divorce. Once she became serious with you, it’s possible that she realized she was in over her head and had to leave.
When you’re really into someone, it can easy to ignore the red flags that indicate they are emotionally unavailable. Some signs include:
-She takes a really long time to call or text you back.
-She was hot and cold with you on numerous occasions.
-She bashes on her exes or gushes over them.
-She repeatedly talked about how she “wasn’t into labels.”
-She was charismatic in a way that was sort of unnerving (more on that in a bit).
-She suffered from addition from alcohol or drugs.
-She was overly critical of you.
-She didn’t include you in get-togethers with friends.
Reason #3: She Had a Personality Disorder
A more sinister reason for a woman up and leaving without explanation after becoming exclusive could be due to a personality disorder. Women with antisocial personality disorder (sociopaths) and narcissistic personality disorder (narcissists) share the following traits when it comes to romantic relationships:
-They are both extremely charming in the beginning.
-They both are prone to anger and constantly blame their partners for fits of anger, infidelity, and other hurtful acts.
-They can both be prone to violence.
-They leave you feeling like your head is spinning due to manipulation tactics, including gaslighting.
If a woman shows signs of a narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder, it’s important to get out of the relationship and cut off contact. It is basically impossible to have a fulfilling relationship with a sociopath or narcissist, particularly if the person has not sought any type of psychological treatment for the disorder.
Reason #4: You Had Sex Too Soon
I always advise my clients to wait until at least the third date to have sex. Remember, the first date is intended to build trust and rapport and the second date is intended to increase sexual attraction.
After you have established trust, rapport, and sexual attraction, you can ask a variety of third date questions to help you assess whether the two of you are a good fit when it comes to your morals and values and if you are compatible for a long-term relationship.
When you have sex too soon, things can become confusing. Because of the chemicals released during sex, infatuation can occur at a fevered pitch and the relationship can accelerate way faster than it would naturally.
It may turn out that the two of you are not compatible at all or the fact that things became exclusive so quickly could make the girl overwhelmed and leave you.
Why Did She Leave Me? If You Were In a Long-Term Relationship
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and it ends, that can be absolutely heartbreaking. Unlike early relationships or simply dating, it can take longer and be more difficult to heal after a long-term relationship ends.
When a long-term relationship ends, it is usually the result of an issue or issues that have led to stress accumulating over time. Some reasons for a woman leaving after being with someone for a long time can include:
-Financial issues: Issues with money between the two of you can put a really big strain on a relationship.
-Intimacy issues: If you suffer from a fear of intimacy, it can drive a wedge between you and the person you’re with. Understanding the reasons behind your fear of intimacy, acknowledging the fear and approaching it without criticism of yourself is integral to healing this fear.
-Not including them in decisions: It’s important that you treat your relationship like a true partnership. Think about big decisions you needed to make in your relationship, like moving in together, making big financial decisions or moving to a different city or state. Did you include your partner in these decisions? If not, resentment could have developed on her end, leading her to a decision to leave you.
Finally, one big reason that relationships can end — and a reason that needs to be acknowledged very seriously — is violence. Dating violence is unacceptable in a relationship at any stage. In fact, violence is just unacceptable in any situation. Period.
If you have been prone to violent behavior in a relationship, it’s imperative that you seek help to address this behavior and take a step away from any type of dating. Any level of violence is not a normal part of a relationship and can be a signal of several different underlying issues that require swift treatment.
If you are experiencing dating violence or know someone experiencing violence is a relationship, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will help provide safe, secure services so you or the person you know can safely exit the situation. The hotline also provides help for abusive partners looking to take control of their behavior in order to live a happier, fulfilling, violence-free life.
Getting Back on the Horse
After you’ve healed from a breakup, emlovz is here to help you get back into the dating scene and find a long-term, compatible relationship. We’re also here to show you that dating can be fun instead of frustrating and that you can actually develop more confidence as a single looking for love.
We offer full service matchmaking and coaching services that are sure to help you reach your goals this year.
Ready to learn more? Head over to our calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my coaches today.
During our session, we will discuss your dating roadblocks, create an action plan, and see if our coaching and/or date concierge services are right for you.