Should you disclose that you’re a smoker on your dating bios or tagline areas? The short answer is “yes” — a resounding “yes.” Dating a smoker can be a dealbreaker for some and bothersome for most non-smokers. Therefore, I understand that you may be self-conscious about disclosing this habit, but remember that it’s something that your date would inevitably find out about and you don’t want to start off a relationship with secrets.
Being dishonest from the beginning of a relationship is basically a guarantee that the relationship will dissolve. Of course, being dishonest about your smoking habit is a bit different than lying about your age or slightly fudging your real height or weight.
I don’t need to tell you about the various health risks that come with smoking. You obviously know that smoking can shorten your lifespan and have likely gotten your fill of lectures on this subject. People don’t smoke because they are unaware of these facts. They smoke because it’s addictive, has become a habit they associate with different activities and as a way to relieve things like anxiety.
I’m also aware that quitting smoking is extremely difficult — more difficult than giving up alcohol or heroin, according to some. But millions of people have overcome their smoking habit and you can too. That’s why this article is designed to help you broach the subject of dating a smoker, while also providing some tips on how to quit smoking and avoid a cigarette craving to throw a damper on your date.
Studies on Dating a Smoker
A collection of studies and statistics referenced by Big Think shed some light on why cigarette smoking can make certain opportunities in the dating world…well…go up in flames.
Smoking is one thing that singles lie about on their dating profiles the most. Obviously, dating a smoker is difficult, and cigarette users are aware of this fact.
Non-smokers are more likely to date other non-smokers and vice versa. You may be thinking that a logical solution to your dating predicaments could be to date another smoker, right?
The thing is, if you go that route, you’re going to isolate yourself from a vast pool of eligible women that you could develop fulfilling, long-term relationships with. Moreover, when you’re a smoker who is dating a smoker, there’s a good chance you will both end up enabling each other, which will prevent you from quitting.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of American smokers ages 18 and older has declined from 20.9% in 2005 to 15.5% in 2016. That number is bound to decrease even more, as it’s no longer fashionable to be a smoker or someone who is dating a smoker in the United States.
Finally, I hate to break it to you, but one more recent study does not offer a favorable outlook to smokers in the online dating world. The study found that young professionals who list themselves as smokers on their dating profiles get rejected 89% of the time.
Now, I know that statistic doesn’t make disclosing your status as a smoker any more palatable, but try to use it as a motivator to quit smoking. And until you are able to do that, take a look at the following tip on how to tactfully address your smoker status on your online dating profile.
Disclosing You’re a Smoker On Your Dating Profile
All hope is not lost when it comes to getting ladies who hate tobacco to be open to the idea of dating a smoker. The important thing is to be honest while also presenting this information in a way that encourages women to keep an open mind.
Some online dating sites and apps give you an option to list whether or not you are a smoker. If this option is available, definitely take it and, preferably, choose an option that lets the ladies know you’re trying to quit.
Other apps and sites don’t give you this option, so you will have to disclose the fact that you smoke in your actual bio. You can go about this tactfully by crafting a clever bio that treats your smoking with humor and positivity. Here are a few examples of lines you can weave into your online dating profile in order to let women know that you smoke without scaring them away:
- “Soon-to-be ex-smoker and current [insert a positive, unique trait about yourself here].”
- “Pros: Excellent cook, snappy dresser, Words with Friends champion. Cons: Smoker. On the plus side, I’m quitting.”
- “As you can see, I’m a smoker but I’m working on quitting. I promise not to put you through secondhand smoke during our date and I have a stockpile of Altoids…along with many leatherbound books.”
— “Are you interested in dating a smoker? Great, I smoke. Are you not interested in dating a smoker? WONDERFUL news — I’m quitting.”
If you can get a girl to laugh, she’s much more likely to be open to the idea of dating a smoker.
Don’t Include Photos of You Smoking
It may be tempting to not mention your smoking habit and let a picture do all the talking for you. But if you want to attract a variety of women — including non-smokers — you don’t want to offer a visual of you smoking. Remember, it’s a lot easier to accept something when it isn’t being shoved in your face. If a girl is grossed out by smoking, she’s not going to find a picture of your holding a cigarette appealing
Simply mention the smoking in your profile in a tactful way, work on quitting and leave it at that.
And when it comes to making a great impression with your online dating photos, follow this formula:
- Make the first photo a clear, quality headshot, where you can showcase a great smile and good eye contact.
- Make the second photo a full-body shot where you can show off a flattering outfit that you feel confident and sexy in. Be sure to stand up straight in the photo, with your arms uncrossed and shoulders back.
- Make the third photo a group shot of you with friends and/or family.
- Make the fourth photo one of you doing something active, like a sport, fishing or any other hobby that is important to you. This will help her associate you with something cool and unique that doesn’t involve smoking.
- Make the fifth photo one of you and an adorable animal. Cute animals make everything better.
Don’t just read about it… check out a great Bumble profile example for men to see firsthand how to select set of images for your dating apps.
Don’t Smoke on the Date
You want the girls you go out with to get to know and like you so that they can see that dating a smoker doesn’t necessarily have to be a dealbreaker. Because of this, you should 100% not take a smoke break during your date. If you’re really worried that you are going to be too nervous during the date to go without a nicotine fix, bring some nicotine gum or nicotine lozenges with you to satisfy that craving so that it doesn’t become too distracting.
Remember to take a shower and brush your teeth before the date as well so that you don’t smell like smoke. If she’s a non-smoker, there’s a good chance that she doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes, and you don’t want your first impression to be one that leaves her wrinkling her nose in displeasure.
In all honesty, though, getting through a first date without a cigarette shouldn’t be that difficult if you follow my dating blueprint:
- The first date should be no more than an hour, take place during a Saturday (preferably) between 11 am and 2 pm, and should cost no more than $15.
- The second date should be something active and free.
- The third date is the one where you can pull out all the stops with a romantic dinner.
You’re not going to be spending a huge amount of time with the person on a first date or spending a ton of money, which alleviates a lot of pressure. During a first date, you are looking to build trust and rapport with a person, so steer clear of evening dates or an alcohol-laden rendezvous that could lead you to have sex too soon or make another regrettable decision.
Speaking of alcohol, it’s probably best not to include any type of alcoholic beverages on the first couple of dates, since that can trigger a nicotine craving. Coffee is best left out of the equation as well.
Lastly, one way to increase your chances of getting a girl to say “yes” to going out with you is to craft a compelling date idea that uses a TDL. A compelling date is one that aligns with the woman’s interests and also introduces her to a new experience. For example, if the girl you’re asking out is a yogi, consider taking her to a unique yoga class she hasn’t tried yet, like cat yoga or karaoke yoga (yes, it exists).
A TDL is an acronym that stands for time, date and location. When you ask a girl out, you want to be able to present her with the exact time the date is going to take place, the day of the week and the location of the date. Being able to present all of these things to the girl you’re asking out shows that you respect her time, that you’re good at thinking ahead and that you are chivalrous.
Smoking Cessation Tips
When it comes to dating a smoker, women are going to have a much easier time accepting this habit if you are clearly making strides to quit. There are several different resources online that include tips and tricks to make quitting easier. Some people quit smoking cold turkey, while others use nicotine patches and gums to help make the path to a smoke-free life smoother.
Everyone is different, and what worked for one person who quit smoking may not be the best method for you. For example, some sites advise using nicotine patches or lozenges to help curb cravings, while others favor going cold turkey and not using smoking cessation products.
I suggest considering all of your options and going with what feels like the best method for you. If it doesn’t work, that’s ok. You can always try a different route. Below are a few tips that I think make quitting easier for everyone, regardless of the specific methods they use to quit.
Set a Quit Date and Announce It
Whether it’s quitting smoking, a project at work or a personal goal, setting deadlines is an important part of success. Don’t try to rush the quit date or set it too far in the future. Look at the amount you smoke, how long it will take to wean off that amount (if you’re choosing to go that route), talk to friends and create the date from there.
When you have a date clearly marked, announce to people that you are quitting and set a date for the quit. This will encourage you to hold yourself accountable and stick to that date.
Talk to Friends and Family
If you have friends or family members who have quit smoking, ask them about the methods they used to quit. It’s also a good idea to hang out with friends and family who are supportive of your choice to quit smoking and don’t smoke themselves.
Try to make at least two appointments with non-smoking friends and family a week and make it a goal to not smoke during your time with them.
Calculate the Money You Will Save
Look at the number of cigarettes you smoke per day and how much a pack of cigarettes typically costs you. Add up how much money that is per month and then how much it is per year. You may be surprised by how large that number is.
Think about other things you could do with that money once you quit smoking and plan something for yourself as a reward once you have successfully kicked the habit.
When you’re quitting smoking, your anxiety is going to increase as you experience both physical and emotional withdrawal. One of the best ways to counter this stress is by exercising. Exercise can help you quit smoking because it decreases stress, improves mood and even curbs appetite. One of the many reasons people are afraid to quit smoking or have relapses is that quitting smoking can increase appetite.
When you exercise regularly as a replacement for cigarettes, you won’t be as tempted to replace smoking with food. You’ll also end up looking and feeling better, which will encourage you to stick to your decision to quit.
Make Your Dates More Active
Speaking of exercise, choosing date ideas that get you moving is a great way to keep a girl from writing off the idea of dating a smoker and to keep you on track when it comes to quitting. Check out my article on physical date ideas for some inspiration.
Should I Disclose That I’m Dating a Smoker Wrap-up: Find the Right Spark
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