You’ve had your first date with a girl (congrats), and now you want to know how to get a second date with her.
This guide isn’t about convincing a girl to go on a second date, but to make the first date intriguing enough for a second to be inevitable.
I’ve been on a lot of first dates. One in particular (years ago), we had a few drinks, shared stories, went home and banged like happy bunnies. I was super excited to have met her, and when I messaged her for a second date, she never replied.
Eventually, after a few days, I received a text that she had fun, but wasn’t interested in anything else.
What? I thought. Isn’t it my job to be the player?
Over my dating life, this happened again, and again. I needed to find out why these flakes were happening, and become a master of landing second dates. This guide will help you to learn from my mistakes.
The Point of First Dates, For How To Get a Second Date With Her
Personally, I’ve never really wanted sex just for sex’s sake. Yeah, I love sleeping with new, beautiful women. But high quality women aren’t easy to attract. I’d like to keep them in my life, for as long as possible.
Who knew that so many women were down for one night stands? Not me. Not until I spent years pursuing it. After much practice, I found many women who were really into a quick, no-strings-attached sex.
Women, being primarily the receivers of sexual attention, don’t need to mass approach men to get laid. They only need to make themselves open and available. There are countless men lining up to date them. However, they must have standards. They can’t sleep with every guy that flirts with them.
Women may desire physical pleasure too, but the more experienced women know, if they sleep with a man, there could be negative consequences:
A man may become clingy, needy, jealous, violent, or controlling. He may feel now that he’s slept with her, she’s his girlfriend, or property. This is very common for beautiful women, and one of the reasons they’re so defensive about who they go on dates, or sleep with.
Here’s what women risk by sleeping with you too quickly:
- Every beautiful girl has had stalkers, or men crying on their doorsteps. They’ve seen seemingly confident men turn into needy, jealous control freaks, or baby-blubberers
- Pregnancy and disease
- They can lose their reputation as pure and innocent, and be seen as easy, or slutty, which may lower their reputation in their work or social circles
- She can become easily emotionally attached, and get hurt if the man doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, or uses them for sex
There’s a lot of information out there about how to sleep with a girl on the first date. But if you want to develop a longer-lasting relationship, or how to get a girl second date with her, I advise against escalating too quickly.
How Quickly Should You Sleep With Her?
In most cases, you should sleep with a girl as quickly as she’ll let you. The reason being, once you have sex, she’ll backwards rationalize why you hooked up so quickly: “I must really like him.” But if you want more than a one time adventure, I advise holding out until the second date. Otherwise you risk coming across as pushy, desperate, or needy.
Too fast, she may see it as a, “fling,” or feel slutty for giving it up so easy. Maybe she doesn’t really like you after all. but was just very turned on. You seduced her too good, which means, you’re probably a player.
The reputation of being a player doesn’t hurt much when you’re just trying to get laid. But if you want to keep the girl around, it may be a mental roadblock for her; a potential source of jealousy, or insecurity.
Why Women Make You Wait For Sex
It’s in a girl’s best interest to make you wait. The more time and energy you invest in her, the more you’ll value her when you finally have sex. That’s why some will make a guy wait seemingly forever.
As a guy, you’re anticipating the prize (sex with her) and she knows it. So the more she makes you wait, the more you’ll appreciate her when it happens. We appreciate that which we earn far more than what’s given.
I know guys who have dated women for up to six months, without having sex! All that time, providing with free dinners, car rides, favours, and emotional support.
Making you wait also sends a message that she’s not, “easy.” If you slept with her on the first date, that would mean other men have as well. Not literally of course, but that’s how many less enlightened men think, and she knows it.
Wait, How Fast Should I Go Then?
Of course you, as a man, want to have sex quickly. What if there’s never a second date with her? What if there’s no second chance? It is possible you’ll never see her again, but if you wait until the second date, you’ll have more time to create lasting, rather than fleeting, attraction.
It’s critical you maintain abundance mentality.
There are limitless attractive, single women out there. If you’re looking for more than a one night stand, you’ll want to know how to get a second date with her, and any other women that you meet.
How To Get a Second Date With Her
- Be entertaining
- Challenge her
- Use intrigue
- Don’t buy her affection
- Build sexual tension
- Allow her to express herself
- Find common interests
- Tease her
- Leave open conversation threads
- Use future projection
- Make a time-sensitive-offer
- Show interest in a second date with her
- Touch her
- Give her what she wants
You want to know how to get a second date with her? Don’t bore her to tears on the first one.
You bore her when you sit there like a mute and let her do all the talking. Or when you ask a series of shallow questions like: “So… what do you do?” And when she replies you say: “Cool,” or, “Interesting.”
If her accounting job was really so cool or interesting, you’d have something a little more creative to come back with.
How to get a second date with her? When the time she spends with you on the first one is:
You don’t need to go jet skiing, or to a rock concert. But you should aim for the date to have positive emotional spikes, and avoid negative ones.
Do her eyes have a glazed over look when you talk about your engineering job? Change the subject. Is she staring into her phone because there’s nothing to talk about? Get out of the restaurant and go for a walk.
You can’t always force a connection, and not everyone is born as a natural entertainer. But if you spend a little time researching topics like, “How to talk to girls,” or, “How to have a fun date,” you’ll pick up on strategies for making the first date more entertaining.
Then you’ll have a much easier time figuring out how to get a second date with her.
How many lotto winners have squandered their fortunes on gambling, drugs, and expensive material possessions?
Everybody appreciates what they’ve earned, more than what’s given.
You may want to come across as a nice guy. But what if she’s looking for a challenge? What if she likes a little bit of bad-boy in her nice guy?
To beautiful women, every guy is trying his hardest to be extra nice and accommodating. It’s the old strategy of, “If I’m really nice and helpful, maybe she’ll see that I’m a great guy and sleep with me!”
Contrary to mainstream dating advice, women don’t want to date their equal. They want a man who is powerful, knowledgable, fun, outgoing, and social. She wants someone she see’s as above her. It’s the fantasy of the naive girl meeting the powerful billionaire philanthropist. Or the common girl seducing the famous rockstar, or prince.
How can you signal you’re someone with personal power? With options?
By challenging her, just a little bit.
- Can she cook? Or does she only eat fast food?
- Does she have any artistic talent? Does she create or only absorb?
- Has she travelled much? Or is she afraid of adventure?
- Does she like to read books? Or is she more the Youtube type?
- Is she into fitness? Or does she prefer to drive everywhere?
- Is she entrepreneurial? Or does she just have a normal job?
All of these lifestyle question leave the opportunity for replying with, “Oh, you can’t cook? That’s too bad.”
“You don’t go to the gym? Hmmmm…”
When you set standards for the types of women you date, it presents a challenge. It makes the game more fun. It gives her something to aim for, a reason to try a little harder, or improve herself.
This means you should be improving yourself. That’s why seduction is a gateway drug to self-development.
Imagine you’re hanging out with me, and I share this true story with you:
Once upon a time, I was visiting a small river village in the country of Cambodia. A girl I met wanted to go swimming in the Mekong river. As we floated out, I realized the current was very strong, and we risked getting swept down river to the rapids.
“We need to swim out of this current now, or we’re going to drown,” I said.
“What happened?” You ask me.
“Oh, I’ll tell you next time…”
I cut the thread, and now you’re hooked. But you’ll have to wait until next time.
Some men think their life story is the most interesting tale since War and Peace. So they talk and talk about themselves, giving up every part of their life story, dreams and aspirations. Now she knows everything, and there’s nothing left to uncover. There’s no challenge.
Don’t be so eager to give up all of yourself to her on the first date. Leave little hints that there’s more to be discovered.
If you’re wondering how to get a second date with her, leave a few open loops, stories, bits of knowledge for her to learn. Create intrigue by not giving up everything about yourself on the first date.
Don’t Buy Her Affection
When I was in high school there was this guy. He didn’t have a lot of personality, interesting hobbies, or life experiences he wanted to share. Taxi man wasn’t fun, or funny, or even annoying. He just sort of existed.
What he did have, was a car. He was the town taxi for anyone who needed a lift. We called him, “Taxi Man.”
Nobody really liked the Taxi Man, but everyone knew if you pretended to like him, he’d come to your place, pick you up and drive you anywhere. What a nice guy, right?
No. He wasn’t nice… just useful. He was a tool.
After high school ended, he became just another guy with a car, like everyone else.
He tried to buy friendship with his possessions. It didn’t work.
Men think that by buying a girl expensive dinners, gifts, and vacations, she will come to see the real him, and be his girl. Usually the girl isn’t asking for any of these gifts, or favours… but she’ll take them.
If you want to know how to get a second date with her, you could spend several hundred dollars on a dinner and maybe she’ll be like, “Oh great, I’m kinda hungry.” Or, you could give her an experience that doesn’t cost more than ten dollars, like a coffee and a piece of cake, or a drink at a lounge, followed up by a walk through a park, or a few hours at a beach.
What a girl wants from a date is to get to know your personality, not the contents of your bank account. Over spending on a first date just comes off as try-hard, and desperate.
I used to sleep with this hot twenty year old Brazilian girl. She claimed she was a lesbian, and was waiting for her girlfriend to arrive in Canada soon. In the meantime, because we had great sex, she continued to sleep with me.
When her girlfriend was finally set to arrive, my Brazilian said we couldn’t have sex any more, but we could “hang out.” So I went to her place one day, and she invited me to spend the night, but “No sex.” I was a bit annoyed, but agreed because it was a long trip home.
That night she pushed her body against mine, and after thirty minutes of this, we had sex. After, I asked her why she went against her pledge to not have sex with me again. “It was the sexual tension.” she said. “I just love it, almost more than sex.”
On a first date, you want to build the sexual tension.
You can do this through touch, talking about sex, and generally enjoying your time together. If there’s enough sexual tension the, “I wonder what that will be like,” may be enough to ensure a second date.
On the other hand, too much sexual tension and she may feel like sex is a sure thing on a second date. That could also scare her off. You’ll have to find balance.
Let Her Express Herself
People tend to like people who are interested in them.
Is she into painting? Ask to see some of her artwork. What drew her into that passion? Does she love dancing? What does she feel like when she’s dancing? Is she a photographer, a writer, or a political activist? Why is she so passionate about that subject?
Instead of just saying, “Cool,” when she tells you about her life long passions, show genuine interest and you’ll know how to get a second date with her.
Maybe your only hobby is weight lifting, and she’s never even been to a gym. Or you like chocolate and she likes vanilla. Surely there’s something that you both have in common. You need to find it. Even if that’s only an ideology, like you both despise liars, or love cartoons.
If she’s into eighties movies, and you’re not, between dates you could go watch Ghostbusters on your own, then talk about it on your second date. She’s into Yoga? Do some research and learn about it.
The more interests you have in common, the more likely she’ll be down to talk about it on your second date.
Teasing is an art form. Some call it push-pull, or breaking rapport. The objective is the same: to make her laugh.
I have a young niece, and because she’s small I call names like, “Tiny,” “Squeaker,” “Monkey,” and “Stinky.” I’ll tease her by asking her if she wants a candy, and then hold it over her head and say “You better learn to jump then Monkey.” My niece will punch me in the leg and I’ll fall to the ground going “Owwwieeeee.” She loves it.
I’ve found that while dating women, they often have the same sense of humour as my eight year old niece. If you need a rule of thumb, anything that was funny in grade four, is probably going to be funny on your date, in moderation.
One of the reason teasing girls is so effective in creating attraction, is because it’s different than the supplicating, buying, pleasing nature of most men. It shows you’re a bit of a challenge, playful, and willing to risk screwing up the date by being a little silly.
Open Conversational Threads
Like intrigue, open conversational threads leave something for her to discover. It’s a great technique when asking how to to get a second date with her. It’s part of being intriguing.
You might start talking about your philosophy on how to have an awesome life, and then change the subject right at the punch line. Or you’re talking about your trip to Machu Pichu and the crazy tour guide, and then change the subject.
You can say, “I’ll tell you about it next time…”
You give a lot of teasers, and then leave them unfulfilled. The idea being later when she’s thinking about her first date, she’ll consider all the ideas and stories you left unfinished.
You can create a second date scenario in her mind, before you even have it. For example you might say: “I know this really amazing park nearby. I’ll have to take you there next time.”
You can replace the activity with anything. It could be a restaurant, a beach, or even some cat videos on Youtube. The trick is to put the activity into her mind, and have her agree that yes, that would be fun/cool/interesting to check out on a second date.
If she’s already considered that date and agreed it would be good, when you’re asking how to get her on a second date, she’ll have already said yes, without directly asking.
Have you ever seen a sale where there’s a time limit on the offer? Maybe it’s a new smart phone, and for a few days it’s 50% off. You’re much more likely to buy it.
When asking how to get a second date with a girl, you can utilize a time sensitive offer.
For example, there’s a really great beach nearby, but the nice weather is due to end in a couple of days. Or there’s a really cool art gallery that’s having a showing, with free wine and cheese, but only this Friday. Or you really want to hang out, but you have a two-week trip to Mexico coming up, so it has to be before you leave.
Make a time sensitive offer and you might have a better chance at a second date.
Show Interest in a Second Date With Her
If you really like the girl, it’s okay to just tell her “I had a fun time. I’d really like to see you again.”
This is the direct approach, and sometimes it’s the best approach.
What’s the risk? If you weren’t too fun, intriguing, or sexy to her, she might find your directness more as neediness. You never want to beg. You’d like to see her, but you don’t need to.
You can text her, call her, or propose it at the end of the first date. It doesn’t matter. Just put the offer out there.
Seductive touch is an art form. Too little touching and she’ll think you’re scared of girls, asexual, or you don’t really like her. Too much and you’ll come across as pushy, or creepy.
You want to start small. A light touch on the arm, shoulder, or leg, wipe an eyelash off her cheek, playfully poke her in the belly.
Touching can escalate from a handshake to full on make out. It really depends on how comfortable she is, and how bold you are.
When you’re wondering how to get a second date with her, if you touch her right, you’ll build up the sexual tension to the point where she’ll be eager to see you again, and much more comfortable with your physicality.
Give Her What She Wants
I don’t just mean mind-blowing orgasms.
On the first date, ask yourself what might she want? Most likely it is: to have fun, get to know you, express herself, feel comfortable, and enjoy some sexual tension.
If you have all of that on the first date, you won’t have to ask how to get a second date with her… she’ll offer it.
Most girls just want to have fun, and feel safe with you, while having it.
The trick to getting a second date is to be as attractive a man as possible.
I don’t mean be rich, tall or incredibly handsome. But be socially intelligent, fun, interesting to talk to, a good listener, bold, sexy, confident, and creative.
In a word, be charming.
If you’re not naturally charming with women, don’t worry. The more you study and practice, the better you’ll be at it.
Or you could contact me for a free, introductory coaching session.
Yes, I want a free coaching call with Tony
Contact me and I’ll talk to you about dating and life strategies you can implement today. Totally free!
That’s what this blog is for: to help men like you find success in life, whether that’s finding confidence with women, travelling the world, or learning how to get a second date with her.